134: Joe Kort – The turtle and the hail storm

Dr. Kort is a leading expert on sex and relationships. 

He specializes in Out-of-Control Sexual Behaviors (OCSB)/“sex addiction”, Relationship Problems & Marital Conflict, Sex Therapy, Sexual Identity Concerns, Depression, Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 

He has authored 4 books and his latest book is, “Is My Husband Gay, Straight or Bi: A Guide for Women Concerned About Their Men.

Guiding Principle, Quote or Mantra

With the small boy that you once were, look up to the man you’ve become.

When You Tripped Up

It is the story of the turtle and the hail storm. 

You’re going to love this analogy.

How did you find balance in your partnership so you were not loosing you?

Joe had to learn how to talk with his husband differently.  And it took a lot of work and it is ongoing work. 

The “DUH” moment that changed your partnerships forever 

Joe’s DUH moment was the day he realized that his husband has high-functioning Asperger’s Syndrome.  He was watching a movie called Adam about an adult male with Asperger’s and then the Big Bang Theory came out and the character Sheldon clearly has Asperger’s and it became clear to him.

He realized that probably 50% of their fights were because their brains work differently.

Once he realize how hard Mike tries to be in a relationship, Joe was able to calm down about things that used to frustrate him.  And it has been a very different marriage since then.  Way better!

Proudest moment in partnership

Being two gay men who got married before it was even talked about and that Mike was equally invested in having a legal kinship with Joe and being out and proud of their relationship together is definitely that moment.

This was not a political statement.  It was a humanistic statement.

Current partnership that has you excited

That he and Mike now resolve arguments instead of just getting past it.

What is the best partnership / relationship advice you have ever received?

Do unto your partner as they want to be done unto them.

Best Partnership Book

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, 20th Anniversary Edition

The Payoff of Partnership

Joe’s husband really taught him how to be flexible.  And how much Joe can be relational and have a relationship.  And not just leaving when things got hard.

Mike’s ability to stay calm when Joe is not, allowed him to ride out a lot of storms.  Mike taught him that it was safe to stay.

Interview Links –

Joe’s website

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About the author, Ken

I am the producer and host of Speaking of Partnership, a podcast that was inspired by a life of wearing the badge of self-sufficiency and independence proudly, until I realized it wasn't really a badge...it was armor.

My passion is helping you experience the power and payoffs of partnership by understanding and appreciating the opposite sex so you can feel safe, confident and understood in your personal, professional and family partnerships.

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