136: Lisa Shield – Nobody’s gonna do it for you

Sixteen years ago, when no one would admit to dating online, Lisa Shield posted her first profile. Two years and 100 first dates later she met and married the love of her life.

Her success led her to become one of the first dating and relationship coaches in the country. She is a sought-after relationship expert and has been featured on Bravo’s The Millionaire Matchmaker, ABC news, and quoted in places like Cosmo Magazine and the Los Angeles Times. Her studies include a Master’s in Spiritual Psychology, certification in Life and Relationship coaching from The Coaches Training Institute, and intensive training with Don Miguel Ruiz, author of “The Four Agreements.”

Her forthcoming book, Naked Dating®, shows singles how to use their emotional nakedness to attract and keep a life partner.

Lisa lives in Los Angeles, CA with her husband and best friend, Benjamin, and their two dogs, Milo and Owen.  She coaches clients all over the country, both in person or by phone.

Guiding Principle, Quote or Mantra

“Out beyond right doing and wrong doing there is a field.  I’ll meet you there.” – Rumi

Be in relationship and let go of the need to be right.  This creates a huge playground where you can play and be yourself because you don’t hold onto things.

When You Tripped Up

Lisa married a man who turned out to be a pathological liar. 

Where she tripped up is for a long time she just saw what she wanted to see and heard what she wanted to hear. 

She was so afraid for the relationship to end that she stayed in it for 13 years and made excuses for things that were not right. 

Lisa learned was that if someone is pathological they aren’t dealing from a healthy paradigm.

His issues distracted her from dealing with her own issues so this disfunction served a purpose.

The “DUH” moment that changed your partnerships forever 

During Lisa’s first marriage she was doing a great deal of introspection because things were getting so bad. 

They were having an intense discussion about money.  And she realized it was the same conversation they had been having for the past 13 years.

She stopped mid sentence and said “I can’t do this anymore.  You need to figure this out, and I can’t do this for you.  And I’m leaving.”

The next day she packed her bags and flew back to the States.

Current partnership that has you excited

Lisa adores her husband.  He is a truly extraordinary human being and she feels lucky to share her life with him.

What is the best partnership / relationship advice you have ever received?

You should never have to justify or explain yourself to a soul.  People will either get you or they won’t. – Don Miguel Ruiz

Best Partnership Book

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff . . . and It’s All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life (Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff Series)

Handbook for the Heart: Original Writings on Love

The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book

Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help YouFind – and Keep – Love

Interview Links –

Lisa’s website

Dating Without Drama Facebook Group

Facebook

Twitter

About the author, Ken

I am the producer and host of Speaking of Partnership, a podcast that was inspired by a life of wearing the badge of self-sufficiency and independence proudly, until I realized it wasn't really a badge...it was armor.

My passion is helping you experience the power and payoffs of partnership by understanding and appreciating the opposite sex so you can feel safe, confident and understood in your personal, professional and family partnerships.

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