023: Rhoberta Shaler – The truth is what you do

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Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, is known as The Relationship Help Doctor, she is a relationship consultant, speaker and author. 

Dr. Shaler offers urgent and ongoing care for couples and companies globally.

For over thirty years in both Canada and the United States, Dr. Shaler has calmed the turbulence of troubled relationships. She offers the insights and pattern-breaking skills that lead to blame-free, game-free, non-manipulative relationships.

Her book, KAIZEN FOR COUPLES: Smart Steps to Save, Sustain & Strengthen Your Relationship was released in 2014, and ESCAPING THE HIJACKAL TRAP: The Definitive Guide to Dealing with Chronically Difficult People ebook series in 2016.

Her specialty is working with the partners, ex’s, and co-workers of chronically difficult people.

Guiding Principle, Quote or Mantra

What is important is simple.

Know what you value.

Invest your time accordingly.

This is integrity.

And it will bring you peace.

When You Tripped Up

Rhoberta was raised by a Hijackal. 

Many years ago, she was dating a guy and she was not noticing the red flags.  Not noticing he was a Hijackal because to her his behaviors were familiar from childhood.  For a while, she fell for the manipulation. 

Hijackals are very charming and they can be skilled at subtle ways of playing on your sympathy and empathy.

The “DUH” moment that changed your partnerships forever

When you are raised by someone who is, what Rhoberta calls, chronically difficult, dysfunctional behaviors seem familiar and is ingrained in you.

Rhoberta’s “DUH” moment was when she recognized how she was set up to attract people into her life who are like her mother.  Someone who never takes responsibility for things and is always blaming you.

Proudest moment in partnership

One of the things that kept Rhoberta going in her earlier relationships was the belief that it was possible to have a relationship that is completely mutual. 

Her husband took a long time to find, and what they have is what she always believed was possible. 

She met him online. 

Listen to what she said to in her profile that attracted him.  It is brilliant!

BONUS – Find out what a Hokey Pokey Relationship is.

What is the best partnership / relationship advice you have ever received?

Best Partnership Book

The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells

Kaizen for Couples: Smart Steps to Save, Sustain & Strengthen Your Relationship

Escaping The Hijackal Trap: The Definitive Guide to Dealing with Chronically Difficult People: Volume One: The Truth About Hijackals and Why They Are Crazy-Making

Payoff of Partnership –

Her husband and her wrote a book that would not have happened without partnership.

Also, finding your tribe because when you find them they will collaborate with you rather than compete. 

You don’t have a partnership when your partner is competing with you, whether that is at home or in business.

Interview Links –

www.hijackals.com – subscribe on this site and get a free download of Rhoberta’s ebook

www.ForRelationshipHelp.com

Rhoberta’s Facebook Page

Promo Image Rhoberta Shaler

About the author, Ken

I am the producer and host of Speaking of Partnership, a podcast that was inspired by a life of wearing the badge of self-sufficiency and independence proudly, until I realized it wasn't really a badge...it was armor.

My passion is helping you experience the power and payoffs of partnership by understanding and appreciating the opposite sex so you can feel safe, confident and understood in your personal, professional and family partnerships.

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