089: Jessica Winterstern – Every moment in partnership is a choice

Jessica Winterstern got her bachelors in applied psychology from NYU, her masters in Human development and psychology from Harvard and is about to graduate with a second masters in Spiritual psychology from university of Santa Monica.

She is an author who writes for Huffington post, House of Citrine The Good Men Project and several other publications and is currently writing two books.

Jessica is a transformational coach and a motivational speaker. Vulnerability is her greatest strength and she recognizes her heart as her ultimate superpower.

What inspired you to write your article – “To all the men out there”?

Jessica recognized that all her life she had been projecting her pain and insecurities and discomfort on others and especially men.

She realized it often feels easier to point blame rather than take responsibility.  And she was ready to clear herself of this and started writing and this article came out.

Guiding Principle, Quote or Mantra

All love comes from self love.

When it comes to loving and going into partnership, it is so important to be connected to one’s value and worth.   Otherwise we are setting ourselves up for failure when we are disconnected from ourselves.

When You Tripped Up

At the time of Jessica’s first serious relationship she had a great deal of self hatred and lack of self worth coursing through her body.  And she created a partnership with a man who mirrored back to her all of these things.

She stayed in this relationship for 4 years, which was probably 4 years too long, even though everyone in her life was advocating for her to get out of it.

Jessica continually turned a blind eye to things that she wouldn’t stand for today. 

Looking back she knows that this man was being her mirror and treating her exactly as she felt that she deserved to be treated.

She was tripping up over and over again because she was so dependent on the idea of the partnership and so terrified of being alone that she ended up sacrificing herself to maintain something that wasn’t real.

The “DUH” moment that changed your partnerships forever

Jessica’s “Duh” moment was when she realized that even the man who was the love of her life so far, could not fix the emptiness she felt inside no matter how much he tried to make her happy.

Waking up to the fact that she needed to do the work it was going to take to become whole so she could come into a relationship as someone who is complete.

On the outside everything looked perfect.  But inside she was completely disconnected from herself and she was looking for her value from external variables.

She needed to do the work within so she could be fueled by her own self love in a relationship versus her own self loathing.

Proudest moment in partnership 

The relationships Jessica has built with the women in her life right now are some of her proudest. 

They are a mirror and reflection of what powerful self-love is able to do. 

These partnerships light each other up and don’t feel the need to dim themselves down.

What is the best partnership / relationship advice you have ever received?

Every moment is a choice.  You can only choose your partner when you choose yourself first.

Best Partnership Book

Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment

Payoff of Partnership

Jessica values the experiences of heartbreak and grief that come from some of the most tumultuous times in the relationships of her life.

At the time she felt like her world was over, but when she leaned into the pain and have her heart feel like it was being cracked wide open, it was the catalyst for her growth.

These heartbreaks led to Jessica having a more open heart today.

Interview Links –

Jessica’s Website

Jessica’s Facebook Link

Jessica’s Instagram Link

To All The Men Out There

I Love You AND The Answer is NO!

Promo Image Jessica Winterstern 2

About the author, Ken

I am the producer and host of Speaking of Partnership, a podcast that was inspired by a life of wearing the badge of self-sufficiency and independence proudly, until I realized it wasn't really a badge...it was armor.

My passion is helping you experience the power and payoffs of partnership by understanding and appreciating the opposite sex so you can feel safe, confident and understood in your personal, professional and family partnerships.

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